


msannomalley Reviews A Swarm of Robot Ants and Battle of the Underground Monsters

by msannomalley



Series: msannomalley Reviews Battle of the Planets/Gatchaman [8]
Category: Battle of the Planets, Kagaku Ninja Tai Gatchaman & Related Fandoms, Kagaku Ninja Tai Gatchaman | Science Ninja Team Gatchaman
Genre: Episode Review, Humor, Snark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-22
Updated: 2015-04-22
Packaged: 2018-03-25 07:42:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3802351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/msannomalley/pseuds/msannomalley
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ants. Lots and lots of ants.  Lots and lots and lots and lots of ants.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Swarm of Robot Ants

Another episode, another Zark opening. He gives his usual introductory speech on what his job is and where he is, except this time, instead of saying that Center Neptune is many "fathoms" under the sea, he says it's many "leagues" under the sea. Now I'm not an expert on things nautical, but isn't there a difference between "leagues" and "fathoms"? Or maybe one is standard and one is metric? Which wouldn't surprise me, since at the time BotP aired, there was a big push to convert our system of measurement over to the metric system. I remember that they had these "Schoolhouse Rock" type cartoons on NBC on Saturday Mornings with four superheroes who represented the various measurements used in the metric system. I also remember being in the second grade and my teacher telling us that we had to learn how to use the metric system because someday that's all we'd use. Some thirty years later, I'm still waiting for that day to come. I wish we would have changed over, though, because the metric system is based on tens, while our current system is not. It would have been a lot easier to have to divide by ten in my 7th grade science class than it was to divide by 16. But, as usual, I digress...

Anyway, Zark was saying that sometimes when he's monitoring the galaxy, strange things happen. His "long range probes" indicate a swarm of unidentified flying objects headed towards Earth. He says that there could be a number of explanations for this, such as a dirty monitor screen. Then he noisily wipes his monitor. He states that it wouldn't be the first time that a speck of dirt set off an emergency. Maybe they need to change their furnace filters at Center Neptune or something. But Zark says the monitors are clean, which I highly doubt, since he wipes them without using a cleaning agent, such as Windex (with Ammonia D), and you can literally hear the streaks forming on his monitors. Zark says this whole thing is strange because he can't pick up any of the usual Spectra identifications that would be associated with an invading mech. But after further review, Zark determines that the invading swarm is a swarm of insects. He'd better get G-Force on this right away.

Now it's nighttime over the city, and as Zark tells us, Princess and Keyop are "getting down" at the disco. As disco music is playing, Zark tells us that he hates to interrupt their fun, but the current situation calls for it. Then he also discovers that he can't get through to the two. Then we get shots of Princess and Keyop dancing.

Okay, lets back up a bit, here. Disco is probably about as 70's as you can get. And for those who weren't around then, you couldn't get away from it. The small town I lived in (and moved back to) even had one. Now, it's a church. (Talk about your irony.) The People In Charge of Milking Out Pop Culture For Money Until We're All Sick to Death of It even marketed disco towards kids (anyone remember the album, "Mickey Mouse Disco" which featured doctored disco tunes sung by your favorite Disney characters? You had Donald Duck singing, "Macho, Macho Duck."). Of course, at the time, these little kids and their parents had no idea what actually went on in these places (nor did most adults at the time get that the song YMCA by the Village People was a song about men picking up other men. If they did, there would have been all sorts of protests over the fact that I and my classmates were taught the lyrics to this song in my second grade music class.). But hindsight is 20/20, or so they say, and if you watched V-H1's Behind the Music about Studio 54, or saw the movie, you know what happened in those places. I should say that the people who went there knew what was going on, but Middle America, where I live, was blissfully ignorant. But this brings me to this question that I have now. What is a ten year old kid doing in a disco?

Back to the review...

Princess and Keyop are dancing to music that doesn't sound much like disco. In fact, the tune is reminiscent of that old Isley Brothers song, "It's Your Thing." And their dancing isn't even proper disco dancing. It looks more like dancing from the late 60's. I know, Ms. Ann is being picky. But they're dancing and stuff and then the power goes out.

Zark chimes in to say that the city is in the midst of a blackout. The blackout is so bad, even the back up generators aren't working. As he says this, we see an intersection and what happens when the traffic lights stop working. Then Zark, after the five car pile up is shown, says, "This could lead to traffic accidents." Uh, you're a little late, Zark. No points for you.

Who should be near the scene of this, but Jason. Sitting at the wheel in his car (untransmuted, of course), he says, "Jason calling Center Neptune, we've got a crisis on our hands." This line will eventually be sampled and used in the Cuban Boys dance remix of the Battle of the Planets Theme Song.

Up in the sky, over the airport, Mark is flying. Mark tells Zark, "I'm over the airport now. It's looking bad." This line does not get sampled and used in the Cuban Boys dance remix of the Battle of the Planets Theme Song. Zark tells Mark to check on the solar fusion plant.

Ms. Ann has a question. Where's Tiny during all this?

At the solar fusion plant, the ants go marching one by one (hurrah! hurrah! Sorry. *g*) and they wreak all sorts of havoc and do damage. One of them spits something at a wall and then the wall melts.

Then we're back to Mark, and Zark tells him something, which I assume is his orders. I can't understand what he's saying. Mark goes "Big Ten" and the next thing we see is the transmuted form of Mark's jet docking with the Phoenix.

On board, the team receives a briefing from Security Chief Anderson. He tells the team that those "electronic space bugs" came from an alien galaxy specifically to attack Earth. Chief points out that everyone had been evacuated safely. I'm sure the Standards and Practices Lady Listed in the Closing Credits told him to say that. Anyway, G-Force flies out to the solar fusion plant.

At the plant, the swarms of robot ants are still doing some damage. Mark doesn't know how effective the Phoenix's rockets will be against the "zillions" of ants. The ants are making a horrible noise and Princess wants to know where it's coming from. Tiny says, "The question is not 'where do they come from', but where are we going to send them?"

Jason has an answer. "Wrong, Tiny," he says. "The question is how we are going to send them."

Excuse me for a moment...

[Ms. Ann does a Happy Dance because Jason is his normal self again.]

Okay, back to the review.

Keyop wants to know how. Jason says that the answer is to flood them out. He points out on the monitor the aqueduct that goes right past the solar fusion plant. Mark thinks it's risky, but he says that they have to take that chance. So Jason gets to fire the missiles. Today, he actually gets to aim them with the help of some crosshairs that appear on the monitor. He fires the missiles at the aqueduct wall and it blows up. Water comes flooding out, carrying the ants away. Zark, in a voice over, tells us it's working, but he doesn't give Jason any credit for coming up with that idea.

Jason, one. Zark, nothing.

After the flood has cleared away, it's daytime and the team is now on the ground. They are doing a search. After Mark tells them that since they don't know what to expect from "these freaky things", they should stay on their toes. Princess spots one of the robot ants and they take it back to Chief Anderson.

The Chief thinks it's quite an elaborate design and uses advanced technology. He goes on to say that Zark did some checking and discovered that the metals used in the construction of these ants come from the distant planet of Tramulus. Mark goes, "We have a new enemy?" The Chief says yes and explains that someone other than Spectra is invading Earth, but no one knows why. All they know is what a swarm of those robot ants can do as far as damage goes. Keyop stutters, "Bug Spray." Tiny tells him that it's a good idea, but they'll need a mighty big can of the stuff. Jason says, with an "intense" expression, that they've got to go to Tramulus and stop any more from coming. When Jason appears in this scene, right after the bug spray reference, and before he says anything, Mr. Ann O'Malley goes (as Jason), "Napalm." It was funny. But you had to be there. And yet again, I digress...

The Chief thinks that this is a good idea (going to Tramulus, that is) and wishes them good luck.

By the way, that's two points for Jason in this episode. Eat that, 7 Zark 7.

G-Force gets to Tramulus, which looks suspiciously like Zarkadia, Mir, and the innermost planet of Galaxy 30. They are in their civilian clothes and they set the robot ant on the ground. The plan is to follow it and find its base. Princess wonders what they'll do when they find the base. Mark says that they'll cross that bridge when they come to it.

Mark, you're not scoring very many points today, are you? I'm getting the feeling that you don't have a clue as to what's going on.

Jason hopes that they won't be led into some kind of trap. The ant moves its head back and forth until its antennae pop up. The ant goes on and the team follows it, with the Tiny and the Phoenix bringing up the rear. Hours later, they lose the ant, so they take off running. On the Phoenix, Tiny is bored. On the ground, the team come up to two very large ant hills. From the perspective, I'd say that they were the size of the Grand Tetons or something. Okay, maybe not  _that_ big. But they're pretty huge. Keyop goes, "Sandcastles." Mark tells him no, they're giant ant hills.

Jason picks this time to remind Mark that they've reached Mark's bridge they're always coming to later and it is now time to cross it.

That's three points for Jason.

Keyop wants to knock down the ant hills. Mark says no. Personally, I don't see anything wrong with that idea. It might be fun, too. Mark says that they need to get to the leader somehow. Jason is all for using force, and he's got this kind of devious look on his face. Mark says no, because "sometimes force is counterproductive." At this point, when I watch the DVD, I say (as Jason), "Counterproductive? I'll show you counterproductive." Yes, I MST these episodes as I watch them. I can't help it. I'm a big Mystery Science Theater fan. It's ingrained into me at this point. It's as instinctive as blinking.

Anyway, Mark tells the team that they'll just wait them out.

I still think knocking them down would have been more fun.

So they wait, and wait, and wait, and it's nighttime. As the team watch, swarms of ants come out of them thar ant hills. The team take off running because, since the ants left their ant hill, the leader must still be there. They come to a stop, then the ground starts to shake. Then it opens up and they get sucked into the hole. On the way down, they transmute. G-Force lands inside the base, one by one. Keyop falls on his face, though. A voice greets them with, "How nice of you to drop in, G-Force! Allow me to introduce myself..." And we get to see the enemy for the first time.

Excuse me for a moment...

[Ms. Ann leaves the room to laugh hysterically at this week's enemy. She laughs so hard, she starts crying. When she controls herself enough, Ms. Ann finds that she has to go to the bathroom because she almost wet herself from laughing so hard.]

I think I'm okay now.

This weeks enemy is a guy dressed in an ant suit, wearing Shakespearean garb, and his pecs are HUGE. Dolly Parton has nothing on this guy! His name is Antoff (or Antov), and his mandibles look like giant buck teeth that move whenever he talks. For some reason, he is surrounded by Spectran Green Goons. He takes G-Force prisoner. He orders a goon to pull a switch and the team are encased in a giant glass egg.

I'm beginning to think that maybe G-Force had to go through some specialized training in the area of not bursting into hysterical laughter when they encounter some of these Commanders of the Week. Either that, or Antoff was so bizarre, they were too speechless to even utter a simple "the hell?".

They're trapped in this egg. Jason tries to break it down, but nothing happens. Mark just stands there with his hands pressed against the glass, like a mime when they do that stupid trapped in the box thing. Did I mention that I hate mimes?

That's four points for Jason. He gets points for trying.

Antoff explains that he struck a bargain with Spectra. In exchange for eliminating G-Force, Spectra will make Antoff the ruler of Earth.

Now Mark is sweating and out of breath, and he pulls out his boomerang to break the egg, but nothing happens. Mark gives up. Keyop, however, is not ready to give up and he has an idea. He pulls out a box of powder, opens one of his bolos, pours the powder into it, and sets a timer. Princess tells Keyop not to overload the charges, but Jason says, "Maybe he knows what he's doing." Mark said nothing.

That's five points for Jason (for giving Keyop some credit.). One for Keyop for not giving up.

Keyop tells everyone to take cover. His homemade bomb explodes and then the team makes their escape.

Back at Center Neptune, Zark sums up the action for those who tuned in late. Then he tells us he's worried about G-Force. He tries to contact them, but they ignore him.

G-Force has escaped and are walking down a hall. They come into a room and discover a huge cocoon. I didn't know that ants made cocoons.

Back on the Phoenix, Tiny says, "Gee, at least they could do is call and let me know that everything is okay. I just can't stand silence." Then he spies the giant cocoon coming up from the ground and a giant ant hatching from that cocoon. Tiny gets out of the ant's way as the ant spits something at the Phoenix. Then the ant takes off. Tiny says, "That giant ant is cutting out." Mark hears and asks Tiny to come and get the others and to turn on the sonar to track the ant. The team gets picked up by a giant rope.

Back on the Phoenix, the team is briefed by Chief Anderson. The chief says that Zark has identified Antoff as a "space pirate from the galaxy DQ3." DQ3? Dairy Queen 3? Drag Queen 3? Anyway, Chief Anderson goes on to say that he is allied with Spectra and this is Antoff's first time invading Earth. (Apparently Antoff was an invasion virgin. I wonder if the first time invading is supposed to suck? *evil grin*).

Mark wants to know what the latest emergency situation is. Chief Anderson says that the giant ant landed and is now underground underneath Civic Center.

Oh no! You can't let that be destroyed!! Where is the local TV station going to hold their annual home and garden show? Or the RV show? Or the sale where you can buy electronics and brand name clothes dirt cheap? Or World of Wheels? Or wrestling? Or Sesame Street Live?

Anyway, since the thing is underground and nobody knows when the thing will attack, Mark decides that G-Force better get back to Earth right away.

No points for Mark. Getting back to Earth is a given and, as commander, he should have known that.

Well, as they are making their way back, the ant attacks and trashes the city. Those Fighters from Mir from Episode Five show up again, and apparently Antoff is afraid of them because he orders the goons to go back underground. The ant goes into a tunnel, kind of like the Lincoln Tunnel, and stays there.

Actually, it's the Breslin Tunnel. That's what Chief Anderson calls it when he briefs G-Force again. The ant is trapped. It can't get out unless it digs its way out, and if it does that, then it will get wet, and these ants don't seem to like water. So G-Force goes up higher as the ant is crawling through the tunnel. The sun is coming up.

Okay, does Earth and Tramulus go through the same 24 hour day/night cycle? Or does this involve light years and things like that? Are they in the same positions relative to their respective suns in their solar systems? I know that one Earth day is 24 hours, but if you go out to, say, Uranus, their day is longer than ours is. Or is that years? Hell, I don't know.

[Ms. Ann excuses herself to go pop some Advil® to get rid of the sudden headache she now has.]

Okay, I'm back now. Continuing this review...

The Phoenix is overhead at the tunnel entrance, waiting for the ant to come out. Also at the tunnel entrance, is a conveniently placed observation tower, where Chief Anderson is. Some might say that this is a toll booth, but it's too high up for a toll booth.

Mark orders Tiny to stand by for electron blast. Then he asks Keyop to check the sonar. Keyop says that it's right at them. Mark says that their new weapon will be useless without sunlight.

New weapon? When did they have time to go and get a new weapon installed? I don't remember that part. Or maybe it was in Gatchaman, but it was so violent that the Standards and Practices Lady had to edit it out. I'm confused.

Then we see the sun behind some clouds, and then we see Chief Anderson in his observation tower watching the tunnel entrance. Someone or something is coming and they're flashing their high beams.

On the Phoenix, Mark orders the solar refractors to be positioned. The nose cone of the Phoenix opens and there is a fan there. Not an electric fan, but it looks like one of those folding fans.

Excuse me for a moment, but where is Jason's car? That's where his car is supposed to be, but it's not there.

The fan unfolds itself and it's now a big satellite dish. Okay, I know what's going on here. The best man at Ms. Ann's wedding and Mr. Ann's friend, Groan, has this theory that Tiny has various things stashed aboard the Phoenix to entertain himself when he's left behind. A beer fridge came up in the conversation. Other things also were mentioned, but I'm not going to mention those here. So I guess Tiny also gets to watch satellite TV, too. But again, I digress...

The Phoenix is hovering over the tunnel entrance, with Tiny's satellite dish aimed at the entrance. They're waiting for the ant to come out.

 

Hmmm... Big shiny metal thing, sunshine...I know where this is going.

By the way, where is Jason's car?

The ant finally comes out and it gets fried. That is, until some clouds appear again. Then the ant has another chance. Antoff takes advantage of that break. "Now to float like a butterfly and sting like a bee," he says, fist raised in the air. The ant sprouts wings and takes off.

Antoff, you are not Muhammad Ali. Not in a million years.

Those "Fighters From Mir" show up again and shoot at the ant, buying G-Force some time. Soon the clouds disappear and the mechanical ant is fried. Antoff escapes and Chief Anderson was sweating bullets. Earth is saved once again, thanks to G-Force and the sun. Or as Princess says, "Our friend, the sun."

Now we're back at Center Neptune, and Zark's "all's well that ends well" speech. He tells us that Antoff was sent to prison. He says that those robot ants had more modern circuitry than Zark does. I believe that. I bet those ants had surface mount parts on them. Zark is purely through-hole components. I work in the electronics industry (and no, that's not a euphemism for having a $9.00 an hour job at Circuit City, either. I actually work in the electronics industry. The company I work for builds circuit boards for other companies), so I know something about this stuff. The more modern boards I work with have all these tiny little surface mounted resistors, capacitors, BGA's, and IC's. (And they were a bitch to hand solder, too.) Zark's circuit boards all had to be made on a stuffing line where people place the parts in holes and they go through the wave to be soldered. (And I'm willing to bet that the person who was line leading didn't catch the missing parts, if that line was like some of the times I've line led at work. The line leader makes sure that all the parts are in, placed correctly (especially if they are polarized parts), and prepares the board by taping certain things down so they don't pop out or tilt or putting a stiffener bar on the board or connector covers to keep solder out of connector pins before it goes into the wave, the machine that applies the solder.) If you ever crack open an old piece of electronics, you'll see mostly through-hole components. New stuff like video cards or the cards that go into your computers are all surface mount. Just a little peek into the life of Ms. Ann O'Malley. However, Ms. Ann traded being a floor monkey for being a cube monkey for the same company a few years after this review was originally written.

Moving on, Zark goes up to his ready room and Susan from Planet Pluto calls him. Their conversation is rather icky. Susan goes, "You buzzed me, sir?" Zark's antennae are all popping up when she says that. "Oh, Susan," he says. "No, I didn't buzz you, but I certainly wish I could." Rather icky, considering, as Mr. Ann points out (and I'm sure that many of you out there have noticed) that Zark is shaped like a pocket sized vibrator.

Mr. Ann and I are both sick little monkeys who think alike and that's why we get along so well.

Zark continues, "I mean, I'm glad you called, anyway." Susan says, in that breathy phone sex operator's voice, "What can I do for you, sir?" Zark replies in an icky voice, "Oh, so many things." [Ms. Ann is visibly shuddering at this point.] Susan says, "I think we should talk about G-Force." What about G-Force? Why don't you leave them out of this conversation, PLEASE! I beg you, in the name of all that is good and decent!

Zark goes, "You really know how to hurt a robot." I guess this is where we learn that Susan is a FOSDIC tease. (Sorry, I couldn't resist. *big evil grin*) Susan just laughs, and when she laughs, even that sounds dirty. She says that they're back home and they are in their ready room disco dancing. Excuse me for a moment....

ENOUGH WITH THE 70'S REFERENCES! I know this show was made in the 70's, but enough is enough! And the only members of G-Force I can picture "disco dancing" are Mark and Princess and I'm sure Princess had to wheedle Mark into doing that.

Okay, where was I? Oh yeah, disco dancing. Susan asks Zark if he'd like to disco dance some time on one of Zark's oil breaks. Zark says he'd love to (and his antennae pop up when he says this). He says that they'll do the "Funky FOSDIC". Then Zark explains what FOSDIC means.  **F** ilm  **O** ptical  **S** ensing  **D** evice for  **I** nput to  **C** omputers. Zark then goes on to say that "it really turns him on."

YUCK!

Ms. Ann needs to take a very long, and very hot shower now.

* * *

**A Few Thoughts From Ms. Ann:**

Ms. Ann was very happy to see Jason as his normal self in this episode. His coming up with most of their ideas was nice, too. Jason is not stupid, but I wish he'd get some credit for the things he does. Instead, Zark chooses to point out his flaws to everyone.

About the villain, I really don't know what to say other than he was hilarious. Words fail me at this point.

A tally of the score shows the following:

Jason has five points that he earned for coming up with all the plans the team used, calling Mark on it when he had no idea what to do (crossing that bridge when we come to it), giving Keyop some credit for using his bolos as an explosive device, and for trying to bust open the glass egg when Mark just stood there, hands on the glass like a freakin' MIME. (I despise mimes.)

Keyop has two because I decided to retroactively award him a point for the bug spray idea.

Mark has zero because you'd think as commander, he'd have a plan when they were on Tramulus.

And Zark has Negative 35, 372 because of his icky conversation with Susan. If not for that, he'd be tied with Mark.

Oh, and I still want to know what happened to Jason's car. ;-)


	2. Battle of the Underground Monsters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Berg Katse appears in his goofiest costume to date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This review was originally written in 2002 based off the Rhino subtitled version appeared on their DVD release of Battle of the Planets. However, a I've rewritten this, I do reference the ADV dub from time to time.

It's nighttime in the city, evident by the darkness broken by all the neon lights. The Narrator says that in the daytime, the city looks dirty with smog, but at night, it is quiet and beautiful with bright neon signs.

A quiet city at night? I've been to large cities at night. It's not exactly quiet. Does this one have a curfew or something?

The narrator goes on to say that people are on their way home. But at Jun's snack bar, young people have gathered for a go-go contest.

A go-go contest? I thought go-go dancing involved dancing in a cage. Maybe I'm wrong. I wasn't born yet in the 1960's. My mother was pregnant with me during most of 1969, though, but being a bun in the oven during 1969 is not the same as being born in the 60's. Although some people argue that the 1970's didn't start until January 1, 1971, so if you follow that school of thought, then you could say that I was born during the 1960's. But most people don't follow that rationale, so I was born in the 1970's. Okay, very, very early in 1970, when people were still writing 1969 for the year on their personal checks.

There I go, off on some weird tangent again.

Anyway, we see Jun and Jinpei dancing among a bunch of people that look like they could be extras on the Brady Bunch or the Partridge Family. And they dance like they're purposely trying to throw out their backs or something. I know that Gatchaman is supposed to take place in the year 2001, but the show was made in the early 1970's, and everything looks like that, but I am convinced that the kind of dancing that I'm seeing here is responsible for people my parents' age taking their frequent trips to the chiropractor. (By the way, my parents are in their 60's and I'm in my 30's.) There's one guy dancing who, by the expression on his face and the way he's hunched over, reminds me of Quasimodo. Just thought I'd point that out.

Anyway, all these people and Jun and Jinpei are dancing and then the power goes out. And true to fashion, like in every Japanese monster flick I have seen, everyone panics and runs away. Poor Jinpei gets trampled. I should point out that the animators only drew the same two people and they are running over and over again in an infinite loop. Somebody at Tatsunoko was a little bit lazy, huh? I mean the animators could have at least given a couple of them different colored clothes or something.

Out on the streets, it's dark and quiet. That is, until we hear the screech of tires on the pavement. The power outage caused the traffic lights to stop working, and I guess a policeman couldn't get there in time to prevent the five to seven car pile up that has occurred. Guess who drives up? Yep, Joe. Joe sees the wrecked cars and says, "Shit, what's going on? A sudden blackout!"

I'm beginning to think that it's required that Joe say the word "shit" at least once per episode. He's said the word in every episode Rhino subtitled so far. You don't hear it as much in the ADV version.

Now we're taken to the airport. Even the airport is in the dark. A passenger plane tries to land, but it crashes into another plane, which causes the airport to close. Flying overhead is Ken. He sees the darkened airport and says, "A power outage at the airport? That's weird! Did something happen at the power plant?"

It sure did, Ken. The power plant has been taken over by ants. Ants who spit some nasty acid stuff that eats metal. Ants who kill people. With the amount of ants there, I wonder if someone has a secret stash of half-empty Mountain Dew cans lying around. I know that stuff attracts ants.

But back to Ken. Nambu calls him. "Gatchaman, Gatchaman. This is Nambu. It's an emergency." I guess so, since Nambu used Gatchaman twice. Ken says, "Roger."

Back out on the streets, Nambu calls Joe. "G-2. G-2. Mobilize." Joe says, "Roger" and then he drives away from the now flaming auto wreckage.

Back at Jun's snack bar, Nambu calls Jun and Jinpei, while the people around them run away in panic. "G-3, G-4, Mobilize." Jun says, "Roger." Then Jun goes outside and revs up her motorcycle. "Jinpei, come on," she says. Jinpei says, "All right." Then Jun starts riding away and Jinpei runs after her and jumps on the back of her bike. And for some reason, he's not wearing his striped pants. They're a solid blue.

Where's Ryu? Just wondering...

Anyway, the team is assembled on the God Phoenix and Nambu is briefing them. He says that an army of ants is attacking the power plant. "If we leave it alone, they might destroy the reactor, leading to a radiation leak." Nambu goes onto say that because of the blackout, chaos has erupted all over town. But the SNT must "mobilize" themselves and take care of the robot ants. Nambu wishes them "success" and Ken replies, "Roger." After Nambu signs off, an image of the burning power plant is on their monitor.

Now we're back at the power plant and we get more ant destruction footage. We also get to see a guy dying, a guy who has these ants crawling all over him. Before the man dies, he says, "We have a problem." Well I should say you definitely do. The man, right before he keels over, says that the reactor has been breached.

I hope everyone has their radiation suits on.

Then we see something blow up as the God Phoenix is flying right over the power plant. Ken goes, "Damn! Why does an army of ants attack a nuclear power plant?" Jun only says, "Ants can be so destructive when there are so many of them." I don't know about that. I suppose certain types of ants can be, but every summer, I get ants in my house and they crawl all over everything and we have to be careful and not leave the sugar canister open, otherwise when I make cookies, there will be "extra" ingredients in them and I sure don't want to eat an ant. Then we have to get the Terro Ant Killer stuff. Ants love that stuff and it works really good, too. But, I digress...

Ryu, who I still don't know where he was when the others were caught in the blackout, says, "But against such tiny ants, Bird Missiles are useless." Then Joe says, "Why not cause a flood and wash them away?" Jinpei wants to know how and Joe explains. He points to the river that runs next to the nuclear power plant. The river is contained on each bank by a wall. Then Ken goes, "I see! We can demolish it with Bird Missiles."

Oooh! That was a pretty crafty way for Joe to get to fire the Bird Missiles. He's cunning, too. Ms. Ann likes that.

I have to back up a little bit here. I somehow get the impression that maybe there aren't that many ants in Japan, because neither Ken, Jun, Jinpei, or Ryu seemed to know what to do about them. However, Joe did. And Joe is not Japanese. So I'm thinking that maybe at some point in his life, perhaps when he was a little kid, there was an ant problem in the Asakura household. Either that or Joe had a bad ant problem in his trailer. But I digress.

Anyway, Ken asks Nambu for permission to fire the Bird Missiles. Nambu says okay. Then Ken tells Joe to aim for the riverbank. Ken acts all commander-like, and I'm wondering if Ken is having a Mark-moment because he didn't know what to do about the ants and Joe did. Joe says, "Roger." Then the panel covering The Big Red Button opens automatically. I am convinced that it will only open this way for Joe and only Joe (and I also believe that this is the same for Jason in BotP.). Ken had to smash it open with his fist. Some crosshairs appear on the monitor and when their all nice and centered, Joe pushes The Big Red Button and the missile hits the wall. Water comes gushing out and the ants meet their watery end. Ken, Jun, and Ryu are watching this and they're all happy. Ryu goes, "Look at them!" Jun says, "It worked well!"

Now the sun is out and everything is drying out. The SNT is on the ground amid what's left of the nuclear power plant. I hope their Birdstyles are equipped with some sort of radiation protection. Ken is looking at the ground. He remarks that it looks like the ants have gone underground. Then he turns to the others and warns them to be careful because there is a radiation leak. I repeat what I said before about the Birdstyles being equipped with some type of radiation protection. Then he also warns that there might be some ants remaining. The team start searching the area. Jun sees something, goes "Huh?", screams, and jumps towards Joe, throwing her arms around his neck, and judging from Joe's reaction, he was clearly not expecting this. Jun found one of the robot ants.

Ms. Ann is thinking two things right now. One, why is Jun, who can take down Galactor goons, killing them with her yo-yo bomb, scared of a bug? And two, Ms. Ann, in a sudden fit of Fan Girlishness, wishes she could trade places with Jun right about now. *evil grin*

Ms. Ann also wants to take this moment to point out to Mr. Ann that Condor Joe is only a cartoon character. I will never meet him, much less have the chance to shriek upon the sight of a bug and jump up at him and throw my arms around his neck. If I were afraid of bugs, which I am not (mice, however, are another story), I would shriek and throw my arms around Mr. Ann's neck.

Okay, back to the review.

Ken picks up the robot ant, looks at it, and says, "Wow! This is impressive." The ant's mechanical guts are hanging out of it. Jun is standing next to Joe and she's got her hand on his chest and I know that there are a fair number of women out there who are wishing they could trade places with her at this moment. Then they come closer to look at the ant.

Now the ant is being shown on a projector. Nambu goes, "Look at this. This is no ordinary ant." Now a picture of the ant's autopsy is shown. Nambu continues. "It's a robot ant made of extremely fine machines." Ken goes, "This is surprising." Then Jun goes, "Who could have made such a thing?" I would think that by now, ten episodes into this series, Jun would know who is responsible for something like this. Jun's not too bright today, it seems. Maybe all that go-go dancing has gotten to her.

Nambu only replies, "A terrifying power of science. They must have been made to attack the nuclear power plant and cause panic." Ken goes, "Galactor, then."

Give this boy an A!

Nambu goes, "Yes, no one other than Galactor has such a power of science." I'm wondering if he really wanted to say, "No duh, Ken." I mean, they're ten episodes into this series and they only have this one enemy who is bent on taking over the world and Ken should know by now that it's a given that Galactor is behind every nasty thing that happens in his world. I could understand if it were Mark in BotP who said this, because sometimes, instead of having Zoltar wear the sillier outfits that Katse wears in Gatchaman, they make up a new character who is explained as being in cahoots with Spectra, such as Captain Doom or Antoff. (Which, I guess means that Zoltar has more dignity than Berg Katse if you stop and think about it.) But Ken, you really should know who your enemy is.

End of rant.

Moving right along...

Nambu orders the team to search for the robot ant base. Jinpei goes, "But they are so small!" Ryu thinks it will be impossible because there are also real ants, too. Then Joe smiles this cunning smile and goes, "In a chess game, a good player will use his opponents pieces."

You are a crafty one today, aren't you, Joe? *grin* Smart, too. :-) Maybe I should start awarding points to Joe, too?

Jinpei wants to know what Joe means. Nambu says that Joe is right.

Next we see a pair of hands placing the newly repaired robot ant on the sandy desert ground. Ken goes, "Dr. Nambu is great. He fixed it quickly and now wants us to use it against them." Nambu may have fixed it, Ken, but the using it against them idea came from Joe. Having another Mark-moment today, Ken?

Jun must have doubts, because she asks Ken if they'll really be able to find Galactor's base. Ken tells her that according to Dr. Nambu, the ants are controlled by a radio signal and if they follow one, it will lead them to its base. The ant is looking back and forth repeatedly and suddenly its antennae pop up. Jinpei says that it found the radio signal. The ant starts walking off and Ken, Joe, Jun, and Jinpei are following it and Ryu is following them in the God Phoenix.

Did I mention that the four on the ground are in civvies? Well, they are.

They follow the ant for awhile and stop by some rocks. Ken goes, "Phew! It's not easy following it." Then Joe, turning his head to look at a tired Jinpei, says, "Ken, someone is already giving up." Ken turns and looks, then says, "What's with you Jinpei? Don't look so miserable." Jun giggles and gets her dig in. She says, "You look pathetic. Get a hold of yourself." Uh, Jun? Kettle calling Pot, come in, Pot. Does your shrieking over an ant ring a bell? Jinpei replies, "But we're following a robot. I just can't walk any farther."

Then Ken goes, "Oops! The ant is gone." Sure enough, the ant has disappeared. The team take off running and they run up to a ledge where they stop because they see these huge twin towers of earth. Ryu, on the God Phoenix, saw them, too, because he mumbled something about "this is so irritating", "this" being the fact that he is left behind again, then goes huh? Jinpei wants to know what happened to the robot ant. Ken goes, "But what are those humungous towers?" And I believe more and more that there aren't that many ants in Japan. Ken should come to Wisconsin sometime. We got lots of ants. Mosquitoes, too. And several varieties of flies: stinging horseflies, houseflies, and the dreaded lake fly. Anyway, Jun thinks they are creepy and Joe thinks that the ants might possibly be inside them. The Jinpei goes, "I remember! They're ant hills. Ants live in them." Ken goes, "I see. Then this is the robot ant base." Joe is all for breaking in and investigating and he's got this kind of devious look on his face. But Ken says no, they'll wait until nighttime because it's too dangerous to break in right now.

And now it's nighttime. As the KNT watch from above, robot ants come pouring out of the ant hills. Ken remarks that this was the robot ant's base, just as they suspected. Joe tells Ken that since they know for sure that this is the base, they should go and investigate. Ken agrees. The team runs to the base. Ken wonders how they should sneak into the base. And as soon as Ken says that, the ground starts shaking. A big hole opens up. Jinpei goes, "An ant lion!" just before the KNT are sucked into this big hole. As they are falling down this ant lion, we get individual shots of the team and they all groan and stuff. Then Ken orders everyone to transform and he does the Bird Go! thing. When they enter the base, Ken, Jun, and Joe land on their feet, while Jinpei lands on his face. (Poor guy.) And then the shot pulls back to see that they are standing in some circle on the floor, so we know that Something Bad Is Going To Happen. A familiar voice greets them. "We've been waiting for you, Gatchaman," says the voice of Berg Katse. Then the shot pulls back to reveal Green Goons with guns trained on the KNT. Then the shot pans to the right, and...

Berg Katse is dressed in an ant costume.

Let me repeat that. Berg Katse is dressed in an ant costume. And not just any ant, either. He's a Shakespearean ant, complete with the Sir Walter Raleigh Car Air Filter Collar, the cape, the tights, and I think Berg is wearing a corset, too. I know in the BotP review, I mentioned that Antoff's (the name they gave to the villain in that version) pecs were huge, but as I watch both versions more and more, I'm beginning to think that the effect is caused by a corset.

And yes, the mandibles/buckteeth still move when he talks.

Either Sosai forced Berg to wear this ridiculous outfit, or Berg dabbles in summer stock theater and has to perform in a play right after the invasion. Shakespeare on the Mound, anyone?

And yes, I am laughing my butt off, too. I can't help it. And I thought the Katzenberge/Captain Doom outfit was bad!

Like G-Force, I think the KNT have to go through some specialized training to not laugh at Berg Katse's ridiculous outfits. They have to, because I can so picture Joe and Jinpei bursting into laughter at the sight of Katse.

Okay, back to the review.

Katse says, "Gatchaman, I compliment you for finding out our secret base." I should point out that in the ADV dub, he kind of talks in a gay lisp, which is hilarious with the outfit. Then he turns to a goon and says, "Do it." The goon pulls on a lever and calls the KNT bastards. The KNT now find themselves encased in a giant glass egg. Ken puts his hands up to the glass like a mime, while Joe tries to break out of it. It doesn't work. Then Katse taunts the KNT, telling them that they won't escape from the hard glass egg no matter how hard they fight. Then we see, from a distance, Ken pounding on the egg with his fists while Katse, who seems to enjoy this, informs them that they will soon run out of oxygen and then they'll have nothing to worry about. Then Katse says that with the ant robots, Galactor will finally conquer Earth. Katse cackles, and Ken pounds on the egg.

[Insert Golden Ken Title Card Here]

Back in the egg, the KNT are gasping for air. Ken goes, "Shit" and then grabs his birdrang. He tries to cut open the glass egg, but I guess the blades aren't diamond tipped, which is unfortunate, since diamonds can cut glass. He doesn't even make a dent. Ken goes, "No." Then Jinpei goes, "Okay, I'll do it!" He reaches into his belt and gets a box of powder. Then he shakes some into one of his clackers, which he has unscrewed. Jun tells Jinpei that that's dangerous. But Joe says, "No, it might be a good idea." As he's crawling back to the others after he set his charges, Jinpei says not to worry and that he'll handle it. Then he tells everyone to take cover. Actually the Rhino translation said "We need to gather and cover ourselves with the capes". But take cover sounds better so I don't know why the translators didn't use that. I mean, if we're watching with subtitles, it's not like we can understand what they're saying, right? Well, I understand a few words. Words like  _kuso, shimatta, baka, nani, aniki, onechan, hai, hakase,_ and  _yarou_. But that's beside the point. I know when one language is translated to another, there are some things that either can't be translated or are just translated weird, so why not use something that sounds better, but means the same in the language you are translating it into?

I was just re-reading the last part, and for some reason, I can picture someone in Japan reading this and saying to themselves, "We've got such a nice language but all these Americans seem to know is our swear words!" Why do I picture this? Well, I guess because when I first got online in the late 1990's, and I encountered foreigners who could speak English, some of them were writing posts in broken English and apologizing for their bad English and their misspelling of English words. But yet they knew all the slang and all the swear words and how to spell them correctly. And I was amazed by that for some reason. I didn't think that they were stupid for not having good English. Most Americans have terrible English. English is a difficult language to learn, English grammar and spelling are even worse, and it's even difficult for us native speakers to learn, too. I understood English grammar better after I took three years of German in high school. But one of the few words I remember is the German word for "shit". *g*

And as usual, I digress. But you all should be used to it by now. ;-)

Okay. The KNT take cover. After a few seconds, the charges go off and the egg is broken. Jinpei crawls out first, stands up, and says, "That's how to do it."

Cut to a shot of Red Impulse flying in and shooting missiles. RI goes, "Don't give up. To preserve our honor, don't even let one ant robot get into the city." From a screen in the robot ant's base, Katse sees this and says, "Those damn red flies! How dare they torment my ant robots! We shall avenge with Galactor's new state-of-the-art weapon."

Now that the KNT have escaped, they are walking down a hallway. They walk until they find a giant cocoon. Actually, I think it's supposed to be an egg since ants do lay eggs. But it kind of looks like a cocoon.

Outside, and still hovering in the air, Ryu is waiting in the God Phoenix. "I wonder if Ken and the others are okay. I just can't wait by myself out here." Then he sees something and goes, "What the hell is that?" That giant egg/cocoon is popping out of the ground and a giant ant hatches from it. Ryu flies away and the ant tries spitting at the God Phoenix, but Ryu is too quick and the ant misses. Then the giant ant goes lumbering off to God knows where and to do God knows what.

Ryu goes, "Whew! That was a surprise." Then Ken contacts him. Ryu asks Ken if he's alright. Ken says of course and adds that he though Ryu might have been killed by the giant ant. Ken goes onto say that they destroyed the ants missiles and not to worry. As he says this, we see Jun playing with her yo-yo, Joe standing there looking all manly and impressive, and, well, I'm not sure what Jinpei is supposed to be doing. It's in the image gallery. Ken asks Ryu to pick them up. He does. And with a rope, too.

Now they're on board the God Phoenix. Nambu says that thanks to the KNT, they know where the base is and the ants weakness. They don't like external heat, and therefore, they only attack at night. Ken says, "So a strong outside heat can destroy them." Nambu says that Red Impulse used flame throwers to defeat the robot ants. Ken thinks that they could use the same method against the big one. Nambu says that the same method doesn't work on the big ant. They should wait until sunrise. The team object to having to wait. Nambu says, "I know, but we have no other way."

More scenes of ant destruction. The train tunnel gets hit, a building gets hit, and some people in cars get hit. The big ant spits at a lot of things. Then Red Impulse shows up again, shooting missiles at the ant, but they don't really work, per se. Katse sees the "bothersome red flies" and decides to retreat into the tunnel. Red Impulse says "damn".

Then Nambu informs the KNT that the ant went into "the worlds longest tunnel". No name. Just the world's longest tunnel. The team is ordered to wait by the nearest exit. As they take their place, the sun is coming up.

Now there's some ant in the tunnel footage. It spits on a car and melts it.

Meanwhile, back at the tunnel exit, the God Phoenix is hovering over and Nambu is watching from either an observation tower or one of those Toll Booths of the Future. On the GP, Ken is irritated at having to wait, but Ryu says they have to wait. Then Ken asks Jinpei for the weather forecast. According to Jinpei, everything's fine so far, but some clouds are gathering. Then Ken goes, "Please, Sun, shine brightly upon us." And for some reason, I can picture the Sun, replying in a big, booming, deity-like voice, "No!"

I know, I'm weird. But weirdness leads to creativity. :)

Anyway, the clouds are pulling in and Nambu is watching the tunnel entrance. So far, it's quiet, but then a pair of high beams appear. On the GP, Ken orders Ryu to "commence Operation Sunshine".

Excuse me for a moment, while I laugh again.

Okay. I guess I'm just used to the types of names the American military uses, which, if you think about it, are probably just as silly as Operation Sunshine. Anaconda? All that makes me think of is that line from Baby Got Back, "My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hon." But when I think of this line, I don't think of Sir Mix A Lot saying it. Instead I think of Crow T. Robot on MST3K singing it to the tune of an extremely white-bread folk song in the movie "The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed Up Zombies." If you've ever seen that episode, that line is hilarious.

I wonder what kind of hits I'm going to get from Google for this? I'm digressing again. I know.

So, then...

Ken gives the order and Ryu pushes a button. The nose on the GP slides back to reveal a... folded up fan? Excuse me for a moment, but isn't' there supposed to be a car there? Where is it?

The fan unfolds, and I was mistaken. It's a giant satellite dish.

Okay, when did the KNT have time to have a retractable satellite dish installed in the God Phoenix. As I recall, when they were in the ant base, Ryu was waiting in the God Phoenix up in the air. And while they were following the robot ant to its base, and getting trapped in glass eggs, they were gathering information. And as I also recall, this was AFTER their briefing with Nambu where they were shown the ant autopsy pictures. So if they gathered this information after this first briefing, then HOW DID A GIANT RETRACTABLE SATELLITE DISH GET INSTALLED IN THE GOD PHOENIX? Did some poor ISO workman have to do this in mid-air? What's up with this?

Ms. Ann really needs to cut down on the caffeine. Especially at one in the morning.

So now they're waiting for the ant to come out, and the Giant Retractable Satellite Dish is pointed at the tunnel's entrance. The ant is making its way down the tunnel. Then we see Nambu, who has the shakes, so maybe he should cut down on the caffeine, too. Then, back to the ant, then onto Ken in the God Phoenix and then to the ant, which is finally emerging from the tunnel. The ant just stands there. Then Nambu goes, "Now!" And then Ken tells Ryu to focus on the ant. So Ryu adjust the Giant Retractable Satellite Dish and aims it at the ant. Sunlight is reflected off the dish and onto the ant, which is now shaking and the metal is peeling apart. Inside, it looks like Katse is having the mother of all ice cream headaches, because that's exactly how I feel when I get ice cream headaches.

On the GP, Jun goes, "A little more!" And then Ken goes, "Do it!" And if one were to take this totally out of context and listen to the audio, it sort of sounds dirty. Not in a Zark/Susan dirty way, but...

I really should lay off the caffeine at one in the morning. Now I'm really getting weird.

Anyway, Jinpei informs Ken that a cloud is blocking the sun.

Oh crap. Or as Ken says, "Damn!"

Sure enough, clouds are blocking the sun. Lots of clouds are blocking the sun. First, there was the few clouds, then there are a lot of clouds. Maybe Utoland is really Wisconsin? There's a saying about the weather here. "If you don't like the weather, then wait a minute." We have weird weather here. It often goes to extremes, especially in the spring. One day it will snow, and literally the next, it will get in the 70's. Thank you, Global Warming.

Anyway, Katse seizes this reprieve. He orders the goons to "swat down the God Phoenix." He's got his fist in the air, and this is the exact moment in BotP when Antoff decided to quote Muhammed Ali (and should have been slapped for that, too.) The ant sprouts some wings and takes off into the air. It flies right towards the GP and spits some of that greenish stuff at it. I'm starting to think that the greenish stuff is "Surge" soda, because that's what it looks like.

Ken tells Ryu to watch out, but Ryu can't go any faster with the Giant Retractable Satellite Dish attached to the GP. Back in the Toll Booth from the Future, Nambu shouts, "Get away from it!" The ant is still chasing the GP and spitting Surge soda at it. And just when we think Gatchaman is really in trouble, Red Impulse shows up. They shoot missiles at the ant, and for some reason, when we see them shoot their missiles, it turns into night time. Red Impulse, the cocky man that he is, tell the Science Ninja Team to let them handle it. Ken says that they (The KNT) can't let Red Impulse steal all the glory. They should fight. Then Joe says one of his famous lines. "Let's shoot bird missiles at it."

I wonder if anyone's playing the Gatchaman Drinking Game right now.

Ken tells Joe, "No. Wait for the sun."

The Jinpei shouts, "Aniki! Chance!" The sun comes out. And the ant gets fried. And of course, Katse escapes.

On the GP, Ken goes, "We did it." Ryu echoes him with extreme enthusiasm. Back at the toll booth, Nambu wipes the sweat off of his face. Then Red Impulse goes, "Gatchaman, well done. But we can't let you take all the glory."

Um, excuse me, Red? But it wasn't you who destroyed that big Surge spitting ant. It was the Science Ninja Team.

Then he goes onto say to the KNT that they might meet again. Actually, they will, but in the next episode. *snicker*

The KNT retract the Giant Retractable Satellite Dish and the nose cone goes over it. And the next time I see that nose cone open, and Joe's car isn't there, there'd better be an explanation as to how the object currently taking the car's place got there.

Okay. Now for some final thoughts from the team. Ken goes, "I've never appreciated the sun as much as I did today." Ryu goes, "That was good." Jun says, "Everyone did good." Then Jinpei goes, "We almost got the monster all by ourselves." Then Joe says to Jinpei, "Don't be a sour winner." And back in the Toll Booth, Nambu goes, "The Science Ninja Team and the ISO lead our team to victory." On the GP, Jun says, "We can't forget another friend of ours. Look!" And this friend is shown. Jun goes, "The sun was on our team." Then the God Phoenix flies off. Since it's already daytime, there's no sunset.

And what happened to the narrator? Seems he disappeared quite some time ago. At least he doesn't pop up to engage in some icky flirting with a breathy disembodied voiced female.

* * *

**A Few Thoughts From Ms. Ann:**

I do like this episode. I may rag on these episodes, but I adore them. :)

I think this is the longest episode review I wrote and I think it took the longest to do, too. Usually, I can write these in a day, but this one took me over two months to do. Why? I got busy. :) 

I also think that Rhino, when doing the translations, should not be translating the words "aniki" and "onechan". They're translated as "brother" and "sister", and when Jinpei calls Ken "Ken aniki", it's translated as "Brother Ken" and that, well, sounds really, really stupid, like Ken's a monk or a participant in a ninteenth century revival meeting. Since those words are honorifics, I think they should be left alone. The ADV dub handles this a lot better. "Bro" sounds much better than "Brother Ken".

And as I end this, I am toying with writing these episodes out of order. I really want to skip ahead to 12, because that is one of my favorites, but I said I'd try to stay in order. Whatever I decide, you'll just have to find out...

_~~Five~~  Twelve years later, I still haven't gotten around to writing Episode 11. Also, Ms. Ann no longer drinks Mountain Dew, which she consumed copious amounts of during the original writing of this review. It's just coffee in the morning and water the rest of the day._


End file.
